“Copy Cat”

I’m the youngest of six siblings. I vividly remember one of my brothers, five years my senior, being seriously annoyed that I was copying his every activity. He would be constructing a house of cards, for example, and I’d attempt to do likewise. He would sing a particular song, and I’d soon be humming it too. He’d disdainfully chant, “Copy cat, copy cat!” My mother tried to convince him that imitation is the highest form of flattery, but he’d have none of it.

I can also remember imitating my mother: how she walked with a dignified step; the hat and gloves she wore to go downtown; how she composed her features in a ladylike way.

Other family habits and traits also influenced me – some, indeed, that I needed to shed later on, but others stood me in good stead: how the older sibs would retreat to their rooms after supper to spend a couple of hours on their homework. They never had to be sent there either. No wonder they did so well at school!

Copying others is how all of us learn, right from infancy. Our babbling baby talk is our elementary effort that ultimately leads (we hope) to conversations of substance.

If we were blessed to have constant good example, it was natural and even easy to copy it. Of course, the same thing is true for those subjected daily to bad examples.

And so it is in our spiritual life.

We who were blessed with a parochial school upbringing, were routinely presented with the examples of saints of every personality and walk of life. I can remember being very excited hearing about their lives: such remarkable people! If the story told of a missionary, I wanted to become a missionary too. If it was about a founder of a teaching order, I wanted to join. Even learning about a cloistered contemplative like Thérèse moved me to desire that life, though I had no idea what “contemplative” meant.

Sometimes I think that the best way to teach youngsters about our faith is not through the various dogmas and beliefs (head), but first through the passionate idealism of saints (heart). The rest could follow as necessary.

Jesus drew people to himself by teaching them about his Father’s attributes, especially his infinite love and forgiveness. Imitating these gives us happiness and entry into the Kingdom of God.

Look, this is what your Father does: when one of his children goes off course, leaves home, squanders his youth and fortune on prostitutes and drunken companions, the father simply watches for him every day, patiently waiting to welcome him home with a party and new clothes to replace his rags.

Look, this is what your Father does: if a stranger or even an enemy is injured, he picks him up, tends his wounds, and sees him through to a total recovery.

Look, this is what your Father does: he doesn’t hate those who hate and disrespect him, but loves them no matter what; he loves sinners into holiness.

“For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have? Do not the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brothers only, what is unusual about that? Do not the pagans do the same?”

Ultimately, Christ pointed to himself for us to imitate:

Love one another as I have loved you . . .

By copying Jesus, we grow into his very likeness and show ourselves to be true children of the Father, as he is.

“. . . I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good. So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matthew 5)

And twice blessed are we if we’re given a human face of goodness to see, study, love and imitate.

 

When Trust Is Difficult

As I’ve written in previous posts, my patron as a Benedictine Oblate is Mary Magdalene, chosen because of her ardent attachment to Christ. Recent problematic events in the lives of close friends move me to once again revisit and share my attraction to this saint.

The Gospel passage in John where Jesus speaks to her after the Resurrection – and she’s the first to receive this favor – contain those troubling words: Don’t cling to me. Magdalene’s instinct to cling to Jesus always seemed to me so natural, so very intuitive! After all, she had seen him slowly die, taken down from the cross, wrapped in burial cloths, and sealed away in a tomb. And now, here he was in the flesh, moving and speaking to her – calling her by name. What else could she do but cling? Why did he tell her to let go of him?

There was something daring in her gesture: How could anyone have the nerve to touch someone they had actually seen die?

Daring and so incredibly confident, confidence born from an unswerving love. Confident, yet also fearful of having this loved one leave her once again. Clinging must prevent that.

Because it seems unkind of Jesus to tell her not to cling, I try to imagine his point of view in speaking so (apparently) harshly.

First, he had an urgent commission for her. Jesus tells her she must now Go, tell my brothers (and your brothers) that I’ll meet them in Galilee.

The brothers, obviously, have not gone to check on Jesus. Instead, they’ve remained holed up in a safe place while Mary had boldly gone to the tomb (guarded by Roman soldiers, no less!) to tend to burial ministrations for him. Now risen, Jesus needs to give them instructions for continuing his mission, and wants to meet them at that place where he selected the first Apostles.

Second, there’s no need to cling because he’s not leaving – yet.  I’ve not yet gone to the Father: I’ll be around for a while.

Third and most difficult, she must learn how to love without clinging. Clinging implies a kind of desperation. Desperation indicates, very clearly, great fear and a lack of trust, an inability to allow the loved one adequate space to be who they are.

Since perfect love casts out fear, it also enables total trust.

I’ve found that it’s much easier to trust where my own welfare is concerned, but not where the welfare of my family or friends is concerned. When they are ill or having problems, I tend to fret more readily, more deeply and longer. Why do I think I can be their savior?

For me, this is the real test of trust: they are in God’s care – not mine. I don’t own them; God does.

Which doesn’t mean, of course, that I don’t care and that I don’t try to help them as best I can. But in my mind and heart, there remains a nagging sense of failure that I haven’t done enough; I can’t save them. Why do I think that my useless fretting is going to help them? Do I need to prove to myself (and them) that I really care?

Do what you can, Rosalie, and leave the rest to God.

Trust, let go. Scripture is full of passages about the need to put everything and everyone in the hands of God. He even knows how many hairs are on your head. God knows not only me, but those I love as well. His knowledge of us all is intimate, caring loving, and complete.

And so, I learn to surrender the loved ones to those infinitely more loving and powerful hands.

Gods hands

Who Will Pray for Them?

Almost exactly a year ago, I posted my thoughts during convalescence from a potentially life-threatening illness. [I can say this now that I’ve been cured!]

I had visited a reading from Exodus and wrote the following:

Amalek has come to wage war against Israel. Moses tells his general, Joshua, to engage in battle while he, Moses, climbs the mountain overlooking the battle. Moses keeps his hands raised to heaven in prayer and while he does so, the Israelites prevail. But Moses, after all, is merely human. His arms tire and fall to his side, leaving the Israelites to flounder in battle.

Moses’ brother Aaron and his friend Hur come to the rescue. They position themselves on either side of Moses, supporting his raised arms so that they can remain steady until sunset and the successful end of the battle. . .

God has given me the equivalent of Aaron and Hur. Family on the one side, friends on the other; these keep my arms lifted up to the source of strength.moses-and-help

Last year, it was I who needed support from family and friends. During this past year, however, it has been my closest friends who have needed me, whether from illness or other challenging situations in their lives. The little I’ve been capable of doing has been not just an opportunity to return a favor (how shallow that sounds!), but a Grace to illustrate to others, to a truly minor degree, the kindness of Christ, the practicality of his teachings, the fact of God’s unfailing providence.

This year, I’ve been blessed to be one of those arms, even weakly as I’m able, holding them up.

This last month has been fraught with hardships around the world, some of them natural disasters, but others — such as the Las Vegas massacre — man-made. We have all been urged to pray for the victims of these tragedies and we very readily comply.

But I can’t help but think of the thousands or even millions of people who are considered (and surely are) our enemies. And so I anxiously wonder: if we crave peace and love, who will pray for them?

Finding God Where??

Sundays are special. Sure, it’s about going to Mass which is special since I see a greater number of people there than I do at a week-day Mass. The church looks and sounds livelier too on a Sunday. The singing has obviously been practiced and goes smoothly, though we’ve lately had the benefit of very beautiful and calming piano music at the weekday services.

So I see a lot of folks I know, and many more I don’t know, all of whom seem nevertheless to be acquainted, drawn together by a single motive – but I’ll get to that later.

The other part of Sunday that makes it special is that I often go to the supermarket after Mass. [I think I’m allowed to say it’s most often Wegman’s.] It’s usually quite crowded during the post-church hours, so again it’s a real community time.

I have yet to meet anyone crabby at the supermarket. You’d think there would be a few – especially the parents who are trying to keep two or three young-uns from fanning out from one end of the aisle to the other. (Oh yes, I remember that time of my life!) Or maybe there could be some exasperated sighs as a shopper discovers that they’ve rearranged some of the products.   No, instead just about everyone is ready to step from the middle to the side of an aisle, or to move their cart to let you pass, or to adjust calmly to the new marketing design.

I’m a special needs shopper, being “vertically challenged” and needing someone to reach the skim milk that’s on the top shelf of the dairy case. It might have bothered me a very little bit the first time I had to ask for help, but now it’s no problem at all. I simply watch for someone who’s taller than I – which includes 99.99% of the people in the store – put on what I hope is a confident smile, and fire away. Invariably, the person I ask responds with a ready and even pleased demeanor, as if I’m doing him or her a favor.

On one occasion (at Weis’s this time) a family of visiting Spaniards was at check-out and asked the rest of us where would be a good place to have a picnic lunch. A flurry of suggestions were offered but eventually there was a consensus to refer them to Eldridge Park. Everyone started giving directions (and I could picture them trying to remember all the turns they’d have to make, and unsuccessfully navigating one-way streets), until one gentleman said, “Wait five minutes till I check out and I’ll lead you there.”

I was once in the position to offer help to a shopper in a wheel chair. There’s not much you can reach from a wheel chair. The woman thanked me but declined my offer. Instead, she somehow got a conversation going about the Lord. “Are you saved?” she asked, point blank.

“Yes, I am!” I responded with total assurance. (This was no place, after all, for a theological discussion.) I suppose I could have guessed that she’d then proceed to the next step. “May I pray with you?” and I consented.

A bit surprising. After all, she was the “disabled” person here. But on the other hand, maybe she saw my height as a condition more disabling than her own. Or perhaps . . . Oh, who knows what prompts a person to share God with another, even a stranger (in a public place, no less!)­.

In the Vatican II era we used to call these kinds of events “encounters.” For me, they extend the Mass experience: People forming a bond of sorts, coming together to be fed; being helpful, kind and giving to one another; serving others, even strangers; teaching the Gospel without quoting from it.

We’ve gotten so that we think being holy (ooh, that word!) consists of going around kissing lepers or being martyred. Thank God he hasn’t made it that difficult for almost all of us, for it’s these small, do-able acts of kindness that express an everyday holiness, that create true joy in our lives and the lives of our fellow humans whom we don’t even know.

And even when we arrive at check-out, we are sent on our way with a cheerful benediction: “Have a nice day!”

Translation: Go in peace to love and serve the Lord in one another.