Yes, Mom

Posted on July 25, Feast of St. James

I can just hear Zebedee and wife in heated discussion.

Z: “Those sons of yours just took off, left me and the guys in the middle of the day. No thought of cleaning up after fishing all night (getting nothing, of course) or helping us mend the nets. Me, me, me — that’s all they think of! They won’t amount to a hill of beans!

W: “Yes, Zeb, but just think. They’re part of the group that’s following this new prophet. As one of his chosen, they’re going to be way ahead of the guys that work for you — no offense. They’re going to be like Elijah — maybe even higher.”

Z: “Sure, you’ve put all those fancy ideas in their heads, those good-for-nothings!”

But as we all know, Mother knows best. She’ll show them! She’ll go straight to the top; she knows how capable her wonderful children are and will do anything to ensure their success. Their father is never satisfied. James and John never do anything right in his eyes! And so . . .

The mother of the sons of Zebedee approached Jesus with her sons and did him homage, wishing to ask him for something. He said to her, “What do you wish?”
She answered him, “Command that these two sons of mine [now they’re only hers] sit, one at your right and the other at your left, in your Kingdom.” (Mt. 20:20-28)

Mark tells this same story with one major difference. It’s James and John who make the request, not their mother. (10:35) Matthew’s version is the Gospel for today’s feast of St. James.

Being a mother whose sons –and daughter– bask in the sunshine of near perfection, I prefer Matthew’s version. The typical Jewish (Irish, Italian, Polish, etc., etc.) mother knows no timidity when it comes to her children. Maybe Zeb-Wife had heard the story of how Jesus’ mother Mary had intervened at that wedding in Cana. If she hadn’t let him know about the wine running low, Jesus would have had no idea that anything was amiss. 

Jesus politely rejected the Zeb-wife-mother’s request. As usual, it provided an important teaching moment about how his followers must not strive for places of honor but for opportunities to serve.

But after all, isn’t it true that James and John did get to enjoy special stature among the twelve? Why do you think that was? They, with Peter, witnessed the Transfiguration. This same trio accompanied Jesus deep into the Garden of Olives. Of course they couldn’t give him any feeling of support, falling asleep at once after the full supper. Not a good beginning for their apostolate.

I wonder how things stood between Zebedee and Wife later on. I like to think that Wife was gracious enough not to make it an “I-told-you-so” ending, and that Zeb was gracious enough not to dwell on their sons’ martyrdom. 

The celibate mystic, Julian of Norwich radically spoke of Christ as Mother:

“So Jesus Christ who sets good against evil is our real Mother. We owe our being to him–and this is the essence of motherhood! –and all the delightful, loving protection which ever follows. God is as really our Mother as he is our Father.“ (Chapter 59)

I do think that parenting is best done as a duet: men’s strength balanced with tenderness; women’s unconditional love balanced with discipline.